Let’s call it what it is

An end or a beginning, I can’t really be sure.  I’m not mad though I admit, there were a number of times when I tossed my cellphone, secretly hoping it would break and I’d never have to hear from you again.  But of course, damaged phones stand no chance against two people who are willing to work things out.

So most of the time I’ve decided I’m not angry.  Deeply hurt, yes.  But not angry.  As my friend said, these are feelings.  I believe we’re all entitled to our feelings.  It’s the way we choose to act on these feelings that’s important.

I don’t want to spend this post justifying the past.  I’m not angry, just sad.  And I haven’t cried like this in a long time.  But I love you, so much.  And what you said struck me the most: “I want to believe the things you said before.  That saying you love someone is a good thing.”

No longer desperate to save anything, only a quiet acceptance.  It happened as it should, of that I’m sure.  I’ve said what’s in my heart, what I needed to say.  I’ve tried to act lovingly.  This is another act of love:  To let go and let it be.

I admit to hurting, but I do still love you.  With all my heart.  There’s no reason for it, I just do.  And I think this is the best time to show you why saying you love someone is a good thing.  I know you don’t believe in it, but maybe by what I’ll do or how I am, you’ll believe in it for yourself.  Love is action.  Love is not based on any feeling.  Love is a decision.  I choose to love you now, even when the feelings are gone.

You’ve made me happy.  And I hope I made you happy too.  I hope you find what you’re looking for.  I loved the times we’ve spent together.  You will always be my friend.  I thank God for the time we spent together and wish you a life well-lived, and well-loved.

 

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