Tonight

What can I say about tonight?  It’s just one of those nights.

I got a haircut today.  I love it!

I went out and bought water.  The wind pushed against the umbrella.  It’s been awhile since I’ve been pushed this hard by the world.  I have a stiff neck.  I want what those two people in Serenitea have.  They have acceptance of each other.  It won’t last, I know.  But the possibility of it lasting is what keeps me going.

You can’t understand what I’m feeling.  You can’t possibly understand why you’re doing the things you feel aren’t right for you.  But why is it right?  Why does it feel right and wrong.  Why do we have to do this?  Why does it have to be so hard?

It doesn’t have to be hard.

Lisa speaks. ‘Look,’ she says, ‘life is short, and love is rare.’ Bro takes her hand. ‘The world is complicated,’ Bro says. ‘It just seems like a very bad idea to sell out true love because you don’t ideologically understand how you can be feeling it.’”

Let’s allow each other to be happy.  Let’s allow each other to be free.  Let them make their own choices.  Let me love without having to impose what I think is right.  In order for me to do this, I have to detach.  I have to detach from what I want.  I have to detach from what I feel.  I have to detach from people.

Am I ready for this?

Will I ever be ready for this?

Should I even be ready to do this?

Find people who want to be with you.  Find someone who wants to have a future with you.  No.  Be with someone you can trust.  Be with someone who wants to be with you.  Be with someone who respects you.  Be with someone who truly cares about your well-being.  And when I do, I won’t have to think about these things.  I don’t have to think about being a good person.  I’ll just be.  I’ll just be a decent, loving, struggling human being.  We’ll be navigating this beautiful world together.

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