Today is Day 1, once again. Day 1 of figuring things out, because of an exhilarating experience that robbed me of the pleasures of every day life before theater. I began doing theater when I was 7 years old, in PETA. I stopped after a stint in Sineskwela, where I was recommended by by PETA teacher. After that dreadful taping experience, my mom decided to stop my foray into show business, which was fine with me. I loved playing with my friends, but I hated the pressure and early call times.
I forgot about theater during grade school, and high school, mostly because we didn’t have a decent theater org. The closest I got to theater in college was when I volunteered to be FOH for Entablado. And then I broke up with my love for 7 years, got into a whole lot of trouble with another boy, and got to watch 9 Works Theatrical’s ‘RENT.’ Erik and I found about their summer workshop, and the rest is history. It was a painful, happy experience. I grew a lot from those workshops, and it led me to crawl out of my shell, little by little. You learn to not be afraid of people, and to genuinely love them.
I left Political Science for Psychology because I wanted to know more about myself. We all have trauma, it’s part of growing up. We all have our share of sad stories, abandonment issues, and debilitating fears. We all have this. Some of us are luckier than most, if blessed to have a supportive, loving family. But my studies in psychology taught me that not everyone has this basic, essential support that make living easier. Many of us have been truly alone. And being alone, and feeling unloved at any point of our growing up years is painful, and horrible. Quoting from my favorite Ted talk by Brene Browne, “You are worthy of love and belonging.” But a lot of people don’t really feel that. That’s why they act out and self-destruct.
I’m writing this because I need to remember why I took up my masters to begin with. At the end of the day, my heart is for serving others, and helping them the best way I know how. I just have to figure out how I’m supposed to marry my insatiable desire to be part of theater, to work in ABS-CBN university, and finish my MA. It can’t be just one. I have to learn to integrate all the things I love, in order for me to be a ‘man fully alive.’