Tuesday Morning After a Fall

It was hard getting up from bed this morning. I didn’t want to get up. I really really didn’t want to. The dream was too glorious, delicious and tempting. Doesn’t matter that I don’t remember it right now. I just didn’t want to do a lot of things, but a voice inside my head whispered “you promised…”

This is a period of extreme confusion. I have to remember the good things about yesterday.

They way lightning lit up that humid night, bringing promises of relief from humidity.
The way the security guards would smile at me every time we make eye contact.
The way we could talk freely, knowing we understand each other’s sentiments as training officers.

Hearing a song at the end of a long day, and feeling that tiny flare of hope work itself up to a blazing fire. It’s hard to decide if these thoughts are a gift or burden. Oftentimes there’s an urge to curl up in a cocoon and disappear forever. But forever can wait. For now, it’s the adventure of life that calls every person to be the best version of themselves. It is an unwanted, insistent feeling. I can’t escape that these thoughts and feelings are part of my psyche. It has never stopped yammering at me.

Ugh.

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