After a Picture

The stories that exist within me, began with a look from you. I noticed how a touch can set fire to my stomach, sending ripples of warmth racing out my fingertips. The air around us was charged, and heated. It took me months to realize that the tension was in my head. Your heart was off dancing in dark corners with someone else.

Maybe you think you’ve figured me out. I’d love to hear your thoughts about me. I’m a stranger to myself, to be honest. While I have opinions about certain topics, food, and music, I never fail to surprise myself by reacting contrary to what I thought I’d think originally.

Yeah.

For years, I thought I knew how I’d act in a situation. But when that said situation comes, I watch someone else talk and walk, using my body.

Strange.

Wala akong masabi, pero gusto kong magsalita
sa wika na ito kahit hindi sanay pero
bakit ba pilit kong minamahal ang isang
bagay na wala akong alam?

-mncocjin, 2015

It was special to stand on the sidewalk, sheltered by a concrete roof from the pouring rain. I watched as the drops collectively leaned to the left, and then swayed to the right. It reminded me of a woman doing a belly dance. We talked about the movie, and I watched as he spoke in measured tones. He was trying to be objective about his baby, and knew what we were saying was true. If it wasn’t his, he would probably have observed it himself.

But this was his, and he can’t help but flinch when we say a thing or two that cuts straight into the sensitive, creative soul.

The taxi is warm with our hot breaths and shivering bodies. We talk more of stars and how they shine too bright that they become irritating, harmful to a production, and downright disrespectful.

The city flashes around us, and I watch people standing or running in the rain. What are they up to? What are they doing? These bodies are blurs and blobs, and it took billions of years for their figures to stand there and connect with my eyes.

We sit around a computer and laugh, grateful for today and the people around us. I recall past traumas and realize how far I’ve come. Gratefulness is a pleasant acquaintance who I’d like to know more of in the next few days.

Whenever I feel lonely, my thoughts drift towards your world. I experience a deep longing to be near you, and this feeling invades my senses until I’m exhausted from wishing, and sleep finds me.

Good night. Always look up to say hello to the stars.

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